Unworthy
by SamDennett
Summary: Somewhat angsty LinaZel fic. repost


Sadie Knight  
12/06/2001

This story is based on characters from the Anime SLAYERS. I, in no way shape or form, claim them as my own. The story is mine, though. All mine. OHohohooHOOohohohO. Anyways, if you liked it, email me at but no flames, please. It'd break my heart. Oh, by the way, this is a Lina/Zel fic. I think they're so kawaii together.

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"Zel?"

From his place by the fire, the chimera looked up in surprise at the red-haired sorceress. Her copper locks flickered and danced under the fire's light; her face pale and drawn. A despair, which he had never before encountered in her, reflected from her crimson eyes. '_What could cause her so much pain?'_

"Zel?" Her voice was strained and unusually quiet wrenching at his heart.

"Hai, Lina-san."

She sat down softly beside him, brushing gently against his shoulder, then looked down at her toes scuffling in the dirt. A disturbing silence settled over the two and Zelgadis shifted uncomfortably, concerned.

"Lina-san?" Silently, he wished she would speak to him and tell him what worried her, what caused her so much pain.

"Have you ever wanted something…"

'_Or someone_' he thought as her voice seemed to catch in her throat.

"Lina-san?" '_Tell me Lina. Please trust me enough to tell me.'_

"…something you knew you couldn't have?" A soft sigh escaped her throat and she seemed to lose herself in the fire's flames. He studied her in the firelight. Hair as red as the campfire's flames licked at her throat, cascading down her back, pulled back from her face by a black band around her forehead. Her pale skin eerily glowed in the dim-light giving her an almost mystical aura. '_She's so beautiful, so lost._' He fought the urge to reach out and caress her soft skin, to run his hand through her thick hair.

Looking down at his hard, pebbled hands, he cursed himself for his thoughts. '_Damn this body, damn these hands! What would I give to be able to just reach out and…_' He hissed softly to himself before answering her "Yes."

She tilted her head back, eyes closed, bathed in the moonlight, a sad smile gracing her lips. "No. I mean," her eyes turned towards him now, filled with sadness, "Have you ever loved someone; someone whom you felt so much for that it hurt not to see them?" A small moan of pain passed from her lips. He felt the need to speak, to say something, but couldn't grasp the words and simply nodded in assent.

"What if you knew you could never be with them? Knew that they would never want or need you?" She looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.

'_Could never have?_' His heart throbbed painfully in his chest. '_Does she love Gourry? Is that who she means?_ He shook inside. "_No! That's wrong. Lina needs someone who can stimulate her, body and mind. She needs someone who understands what's going on. Gourry can't give her that. She needs_…' His heart ached. '_She needs someone like me._" It pained him to know that he would never know her love, could never know her love. He was stone: a monster, a _chimera_. The word tasted acrid on his tongue.

"Zel?" There was pain in her voice now, suffering. "Please answer me, Zel."

He burned inside, angry that he couldn't hold her or comfort her.

"Zel? Please…"

"I would suffer in silence." It came out harsher then he meant, laced with bitterness. She looked at him, startled. He cursed himself for his coldness, his thoughtlessness then tried to soften his answer. "I wouldn't want to hurt them." '_I wouldn't want to hurt you._'

She looked at him, considering his answer. "Maybe your silence hurts them more." It was said under her breath, barely discernible, but his _condition_ gave him exceptional hearing and he heard it clearly.

He groaned to himself. Why didn't he see it? Why hadn't he realized?! The bitter taste of guilt and regret lined his throat. He turned to her, eyes filled with resentment. "Look at me Lina. I'm a Chimera, a monster created by Rezo. I'm stone! Who would want me?!"

She said nothing, shocked. Was that fear he saw in her eyes? They had darkened, her eyes, to the color of blood. '_Does she hate me now?_' Still she said nothing. He felt the fiery licks of anger rising. '_Damn you, Lina! Say something! Do something!'_

"See. Even you can't argue with that. I'm a monster!" He spit it out, layered with acid, filled with contempt for him. "No one can love a monster!" He hated himself then, more then he hated the man who had created him. He hated the strength given to him, the strength he asked for and he hated the cold, blue, stone body that he had. He hated what he'd become. '_Damn you Rezo. Damn you to hell!'_

She stared at him, her eyes now flashing with anger, with fire. "How can you say that?!" it slipped out, cool, collected, and filled with a boiling anger. "How can you say something so stupid, so deranged?" Her fists were clenched, nails drawing blood. "People care about you, love you. Amelia adores you. Others have wanted you. Why can't you see? Why can't you see that you're loved?!" She was shaking, filled with fire and anger.

Zelgadis cringed away from her, recognizing the fury in her eyes, in her face. '_She's never been like this before. She's never been so calm, yet so furious._' He schooled himself, kept his voice steady when he responded in a hush, "Not by the one that counts, not by you." He readied himself for the curses, for the threats, for the fireballs, but she had gone silent. Her face was turned away from him, looking out into the shadows of the forest. He felt pain, rejection when she didn't respond. _'Damn it say something Lina. Please say something' _but there was only a strained silence.

He needed to go, couldn't be there. Couldn't be there with her. _'Coward._' He hated himself for wanting to leave, but staying was too hard. "I have to go."

"No wait, Zel." She whirled around, her face wet, fear and worry in her shadowed eyes, but he had already melted into the shadows. Stunned, alone, she sank to her knees in grief. In barely a whisper the words, "I love you. I've always loved you," slipped out.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

From the shadows he watched her, suffering with her. "I know Lina, but I'm not worthy of that love." His heart ached as he took his last glimpse of her before slipping into the darkness of the woods, "I love you. I've always loved you," whispering on the breeze.


End file.
